About Criticism

"Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it."
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

There's a lot to say about criticism, and yeah, I'm aware I just quoted a Harry Potter book on one of my posts, but there's a purpose, trust me on this one.

Regardless of your background or even your social status, you should certainly know what criticism can do and what has done in your life. Whether it comes to you as a subtle comment or if it comes straight at you as a rocket, we've all been there on that feeling of weakness and shame inside of us.

Criticism leaves a scar on the criticized person. Depending on the case, it can last for days, weeks, even years until the affected person heals from a critic.

Some of us grew up in an environment that didn’t meet our needs. We live most of our adulthood filling voids and healing wounds caused by traumas when we were children. That said, having to deal on top of that with a harsh critic can take us down pretty easily.

I believe social empathy should be a mandatory subject on all schools for all-levels. Life comes to us without a manual, and as most breakthroughs on science, we learn what is good by knowing what’s wrong first. It is no surprise that as we become adults, we have no idea how to deal with a budget, how to ask for a raise, and how to have empathy when communicating with other people.

Teach other people the way you wished you were taught when you were learning.

Sometimes criticism appears when we are dealing with somebody on our workplace or school, and since we are given similar tasks to perform, we tend to compare against others, which might led you to think you are better than someone else. Spoiler alert: you are not. It is precisely in this situation when we must think twice before making a comment that could hurt the other person. For you it might be a usual comment, may even be a joke, an ice-breaker. But for the other person it can be a nightmare come to life, a realization of their own fears, not to mention the fastest way to create yourself some enemies.

Instead of criticize, I invite you to teach.

Next time you’re thinking about criticizing other, try this instead:

1. Let your body speak in a relax way. Most times, even when the person can trick you into thinking they are cool, their body language can speak for itself, and you can feel the tension and their bitterness coming out like a volcano.

2. Let your words be as comfort as you can, so the affected person can see you are acting towards the situation, rather than attacking them. "You know what? I believe there's a better way of doing this", "Hey, have you tried this?"

3. About the first 2 points, avoid every time you can giving feedback by text or email. Ideally, you’re facing them while you speak. After all, I’m sure you’ve heard about professor Mehrabian and his 7% rule, which says that only 7% of our communications are verbal, meaning, the actual words you use. Our voice tone takes a 38% and our body language an impactful 55%. When you choose to text or email them, you’re also giving them 93% chances of misunderstanding you.

4. If there's a lesson to be learned about it, try your best to let them know how could it be done the next time, focusing again on the problem, rather than their weaknesses. Remember, it is likely they are already torturing themselves in their heads about it, so don't fuel those feelings. Pro tip: Talking about your own shortcomings will make them feel like better about themselves.

There is a TED talk that really impacted me a couple years ago. The speaker, Drew Dudley, shares a story about how a girl in college thanked him for having such an impact on her life on a conversation he doesn’t remember. It is really shocking as he pointed out, maybe we only saw that person once, maybe we will never speak to them again, but that moment can have a huge influence in theirs lives, and it is up to you what will they remember when they look back at that moment.

Most of our interactions happen so fast, so often, that is easy to go trough life without paying attention to what we do and say to others, but as Dumbledore said it, words are capable of both inflicting an injury, as well as remedying it. We all have that power. Use yours wisely.

There was a quote in one of my supervisor’s office that I really liked. You may have read it before.

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.